Home
by wickedwritergirl
Summary: How Emma's thoughts on home and family have changed throughout the years. From her childhood to the latest episode of the show.


**A/N: Hello friends, it has been a while. Life has been hectic but I got inspired to write this little thing and I had to do it right away. I typed this out in one sitting so I'm sorry if there are some typos or if it's not my best work. This is all Emma's thoughts on her life from a little kid to the latest episode of the show. There are bunch of Charming family and Captain Swan feels. But also angst. Anyway, I hope you like it and even if you don't, please leave a review! Happy reading! -S**

* * *

When I was a little girl, I figured my life would turn out one of three possible ways.

One, my parents would show up one day and explain how they never meant to give me up. That something terrible had happened and I was separated from them. They'd apologize and I'd forgive them right away and they'd take me away from the horrors of the foster system. I'd get to grow up with my family after all.

Two, a nice couple would adopt me and find that I was exactly the child they were always meant to have. Not being able to have children was meant to happen to them because it led them to me, their daughter. That the fact that my parents left me on the side of the road didn't matter, because I'd found my real family.

Or three, for some unexplainable reason, my parents did leave me on the side of the road and didn't look for me after. I wasn't meant to be adopted, I wasn't meant to have a family. I was meant to survive on my own.

As much as I'd hoped for either options one or two, three is what I got.

* * *

Everyone assured me that my parents had to have had a good reason for leaving me the way they did. (An evil curse and Snow White was never included in the various reasons I came up with over the years.) And at first I believed them.

I had a home. I had a family. When I was only a few years old, a couple brought me into their home and into their family. But it wasn't permanent. It was their home, I was only visiting. I thought I could be a part of it and I think they thought so too, but as it turned out, I wasn't what they were looking for. Their home didn't end up being mine. I wasn't old enough to understand it then, but they traded me for something better.

Despite them giving me up to have their own, biological child, I didn't give up the hope of being adopted. I was constantly told by social workers that it was going to happen for me too. 'It's only a matter of time, Emma. A sweet girl like you. Someone will come into your life and never leave.'

I saw other kids, my friends, find homes with whom they'd come to call their parents and it hurt. I kept assuring myself that soon it would be my turn. But it never was.

When I was 14, I decided that I didn't need a family. I didn't need a home. In reality, I didn't know what either of those things were. I no longer cared what anyone thought of me, no one would be around long enough to really care. It was just me from now on. I grew to resent my parents. I was convinced that they were horrible people who only hurt others. Maybe they'd abandoned a bunch of their children, just to be cruel. I selfishly preferred this option to the one where I was the only one not good enough to be kept around.

* * *

The first time I ever felt like I could find the kind of comfort I'd always longed for, was with Neal. I was 18 and stupidly in love. I blindly trusted him to fix me. To love me. He promised me a future, something no one had ever done. He promised me home. I was desperate to have both, for the first time. I truly thought after everything I'd been through, I'd finally found something real. We were supposed to move to Tallahassee and live happily ever after.

He ended up breaking me into pieces that I couldn't put back together for years.

I completely closed myself off from everyone. I didn't even consider the possibility of loving someone again. I was convinced that everyone was selfish and cruel.

After I got out of prison, home to me was the place I would end up living in. The place I would sleep after an exhausting day of work. It merely meant a roof over my head. There was no emotional attachment.

I lived somewhere I could afford and it wasn't much. I ended up moving a lot. I never stayed in one place for long enough to get attached or to really get to know anyone. I never had a place I missed, which is what Neal said was the definition of home. And that was okay for me. I didn't know anything better.

* * *

Living with Mary Margaret was strange. I wasn't used to constantly having someone around. It took a long time to get used to, but somehow I did. I started to look forward to exchanging stories about our days or sipping hot cocoa around the same table, even if we didn't talk. And that scared me. The thought of getting used to it, to have such routine was not something that happened to me. Something would always ruin it. I kept waiting for something to happen that would get her to throw me out.

After the curse was broken and I found out who she was, things were definitely different. After all these years, I finally found out what happened to my parents. And while I understood the situation they were in at the time, it didn't take the pain of growing up without them away. I was grateful to have them in my life now, but it would take a lot of time to heal those wounds, if it was possible.

Henry was really the first person to make me feel like I was wanted. He didn't need me to raise him, he'd had Regina for that. He just wanted me around. The first time he called me 'mom' made my heart skip a beat. It felt so foreign and yet so good. He wanted me to be something that important. He saw me as a part of his family. He called my parents his grandparents before I could even call them 'mom and dad.' He considered me family. He said that Storybrooke was our home.

I slowly came to accept that Storybrooke might be where I was meant to be. It wasn't easy and I didn't want it to be true at first. I'm an adult, a grown woman, why would my home be the place where I finally met my parents, years too late, and my son for whom I wished something much better than my care. But Storybrooke grew on me. As did my parents.

Just as I'd gotten used to the idea of having all these people in my life and this town as a permanent address, the one thing I did my best to avoid, happened.

I fell in love.

I was terrified. I was determined not to let Killian close to me. I didn't trust him, I never trusted anyone. But more importantly, I didn't trust myself.

From the moment I met him, I knew he wasn't like anyone else. The feeling I got around him was too close to how Neal used to make me feel and for a long time, I hid behind as many emotional walls as I possibly could.

But he broke them all down. And I let him.

After Rumpelstiltskin was gone and the town was quieter than ever before, I first realized that even though Storybrooke is my home, the only definition of home isn't where and what it is. It's also 'who.'

For the first time in my life, I had a family. I had parents, who cared for me and were always ready to help me, no matter what. I had a son, who looked up to me and wanted me around. I had a man, who would do anything to make me happy and I trusted him completely. I had love.

* * *

When I made the decision to once again assure the safety of my town and take the darkness in me, I was sure I'd lost it all. I was once again alone, away from everything that had become so important to me. But unlike ever before, they came to me. My family. They wouldn't let me be taken away from them this time. They fought their way to me, determined to bring me back. To bring me home.

That was when I truly realized that I wasn't alone.

I was the dark one, one of the most feared things in their world, but they were willing to help me. They were willing to get me back. Because they loved me.

No one gave up hope. My parents wouldn't let me go again. They would always ensure my place in their lives. Henry and Killian both told me they loved me. They picked out a house for all of us to live in, as a family. We were all ready to fight to get back to the life we all wanted.

But things did not go as planned. We didn't succeed in freeing me of the darkness and I managed to drag the man I love into it with me. But I was going to fix it. I had a plan.

I bought the house Henry and Killian picked out for us. Henry said he really liked it. Being near the sea always calmed Killian. Being with him always calmed me.

I was going to fix this. I'd finally found what I'd always been looking for. All the things I never thought I could have. I had them. I had a family. I had a home. I had love. I finally knew what those things meant and I was not willing to let them go.

* * *

But standing here now, looking into the eyes of the man I love, filled with nothing but resentment towards me, I can't help but think...

Have I once again been left homeless?

* * *

 **And there you go. Not quite the ending I usually write,** **huh? Please let me know what you think? -S**


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